It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
