I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
