just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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