The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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