I'm going to jail i love you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
