she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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