i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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