I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
