So drunk its hurt
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
