I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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