Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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