The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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