Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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