He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize