At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
