the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it