drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.