She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.