I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo