the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.