Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
