You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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