But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
