We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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