Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
