I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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