He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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