I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
