told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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