My hair reeks of homosexuality.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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