he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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