Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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