We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
