next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
