at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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