You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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