I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
