when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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