I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
