alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
