ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
zippers are such a cool invention
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
