That's when you crack a 10am beer
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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