I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
