weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
