shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize