I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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