you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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