Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize