xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
