May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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