YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
