Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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