Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
