i think my mom watched the whole time
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize