make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
