ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize