I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
