i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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