and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
