Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
NoShamevember. You game?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
