after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
