I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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