Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
