literally had 100 drinks last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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