I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Boobs speak an international language.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.