im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Who put my cat in the fridge?