Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions