I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.