I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
