sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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