It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
