I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm bleeding and have questions
jump out the window naked night went bad
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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